"Lying to Children is perfect for fans of Tom Perrota, Jonathan Tropper and Nora Ephron. It ll have you experiencing happiness, laughter, sadness, heartache, and every emotion in between." -Redbook
A fictional father writes letters to his college-aged daughter and son remembering events, large and small, from their family s past in the poignant and hilarious Lying to Children. This collection of sometimes outrageous, sometimes sad, often heartwarming interconnected vignettes features a delightful confessional celebration of family life told in stories from a dad's unique perspective. Centered around the untruths parents regularly tell their kids in an effort to protect (or silence) them--from "Daddy Loves his Job" to "There's a Jolly Fat Man who Brings You Presents (Assembly Required)"--Lying to Children is an unforgettable familial history filled with laughter, tears, and life lessons, and brimming over with a somewhat-less-than-perfect suburban dad's unwavering love.
Andy Martello has heard this question over a thousand times. Martello is the self-proclaimed most famous non-famous person in the world. In an entertainment career spanning well over 30 years, he has had the opportunity to meet and work with some of the biggest names in television, movies, sports, politics, and music. Stupid Stories About Famous People details the ridiculous things he has said or done when interacting with the world’s biggest celebrities and offers humorous, heartfelt anecdotes of what brought him, a struggling entertainer, face-to-face with these entertainment icons.
What would you say if you met Audrey Hepburn, Michael Jordan, or Ted Kennedy? How would you handle having lunch with Tony Curtis? What would you do if you suddenly had to sing the blues with Buddy Guy? These are Andy Martello’s Stupid Stories About Famous People.
What do you get when six retirees find themselves trucked off (not entirely willingly) on a get-acquainted trip before moving into Cedar Branch Retirement Community? A week of outlandish fiascos, hilarious revenge, memorable tears, and most important... laughter. Derrick St. Clair, a social worker for CBC, has led many trips for this eccentric community, but never experienced a crew of new residents like these. One thing of many that Derrick didn’t expect was falling in love with co-worker Katlyn Rose, only to have his crew of creative seniors take advantage of his distraction to plan their own trip, including stealing the van and rearranging the attitudes of three disrespectful young men. With a lady’s man from Manhattan, two kooky sisters from Arkansas, a grumpy husband from Alabama, and a quiet recent widower from Atlanta, Derrick will find this week one for the books. Take a trip with Cedar Branch and fall in love with the characters that now reside in the number-one retirement community in the South. Who knows—you just might make plans to move in.
If you deal with customers day after day who drive you insane, give you reasons to drink alcohol, or make you want to quit your job, this book is definitely for you. A chaotic and hilarious image of a used car lot owner, Julia Karr. Her feisty attitude and fearless approach to managing a business, how it affects her home life and dealings with customers will have you scratching your head about humanity. Seeing the business world through Julia's jaded eyes may convince you that owning a business isn't what it’s cracked up to be. Her attitude is drenched with sarcasm and dipped in crazy sauce. She blames the car lot.
What if you wrote a steamy, erotic novel that was so hot bookstores couldn't keep it on their shelves? What if you couldn't tell anyone you wrote it?
At night, nurse Cassie Calabria pens a bodice-ripper novel, using an alias. She sends it to a few agents, then forgets about it. She's more than surprised when she gets an offer for a publisher to include her book, Wild Rose, in a "summer-of-love special." Wild Rose becomes a blazing bestseller. Suddenly she realizes she can't let anyone know that she wrote it. What would her children think? Or her own mother, who "taught her better," and, worse, her husband who would question her made-up fantasies of sex on the beach. How could she be thrown into the "red-light district" spotlight and still be a good mom?
His little sister joins the circus. His parents buy a nerdy horse. He's surrounded by hundreds of men dressed up as Ernest Hemingway. He tries to order a monkey through the mail. And now his baby is eating dog food.
Matt Geiger's award-winning stories reveal the sublime in the mundane and the comical in the banal. There is existential dread. There is festivity amid detritus. There are moments of genuine introspection on what it means to be human. And it's all laugh-out-loud funny when told by a humorist who is determined to live an examined life, even if he's not always entirely sure what he's looking at.
Fiction. In Gary Gildner's fourth collection of stories, composition teacher Wanda Delight, in heels long and sharp enough to pierce a rattler, loses her heart to prime example Timmy Sheean; WWII vet Sergeant Major George Prolly flees Piney Woods Rest in his wheelchair, leaving behind Miss Flambeau the exotic dancer; Kansas City lawyer Mary Beth Urquhart makes her way among her long-ago college poetry professor, truck driver Marvin Gaye, and the cologned-up, slippery father of a White Sox pitching phenom. Elsewhere, the bishop's teenaged nephew and yard boy, "Samson" Tuohy, is smitten by Professor Singh's young cello-playing wife Isabel—plus there's Polish beauty Beata, old bronc rider Ray Wheeler, Aunt Gussie, the king and queen of the swans, and many more.